Being Emotional..

I found myself in a strange condition nowadays. My feeling and emotion start to turn around and uncontrollable. I do not know why and when I started to be like this. It's hard to explained and expressed in words. I hate myself that behaving not like the usual of myself.
I'm find it hard to get away the feeling of liking someone. Since the first day of liking that person, i told myself that i should stop this feeling now and right away. But the more I want to get rid of it, the more it get back to me and disturb my mind. My past life story is enough to make me frightened and I don't want the same thing repeat again.
Although i want to cry, but i hold the tears until i trap myself alone in a room whereby nobody could see and heard that i'm crying . I cried it out loud in my heart and telling myself not to make the same mistake. NEVER EVER.